Interview 1 and 2
by Delenn
Summary: A/X stupid comedy that I wrote a LOOONG time ago, whatever, not one of my favorites but you might find it funny! (hopefully!)
1. Interview 1

Disclaimer: This story is purely for fun, and to keep the people from the Xena and Ares shippers club from going crazy, I get no profit from this story. The character Nattily ect. as well as the story idea belong to me. The characters Xena, Gabrielle, Ares ect. do not belong to me, and I am just borrowing them. No copywrite infringement intended. Please do not use this story on your web site, web page ect. without first asking me and receiving my permission, you may however use this story for private use, but must use it with all disclaimers. If you would like to send this story to a friend, please ask me first, and receive my permission, and you must not get any profit from the transaction.   
  
Authors note: Wow, that was a pretty long disclaimer wasn't it?? I hope I got everything in though, I don't want anybody to take this story the wrong way! If the idea of Xena and Ares in love, of them having any part relationship, or if Gabrielle and Xena being 'just friends' is not the type of story you want to read, please go someplace else. This story is a comedy, I know not the best, but hey I tried, and that's all that matters, right? This story takes place sometime in season 3   
  
Rating: G   
  
Dedicated to Illy, and Kat, for liking this story, even though I don't really   
  
Now for the story!!!!! *everyone claps*   
  
Interview 1 By Delenn

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Paper reporter "Hello? Anyone here? I was told I could find Ares here" There was a lot of crashing and someone was yelling, the reporter moved closer, this was what she heard **"You are the most self centered ignorant person in the universe!!! How dare you try that! You know that I know that it's a trick to get me back, it always is. Why can't you just except me for who I am, we're enemies!"** a woman screamed, a man sighed then said "Now you know that I've never thought that we were enemies... close.... friends..... that lost each other, maybe, but not enemies. This is not who you are, and you know it! you're like me, living for the fight, the kill" the woman said "you disgust me, I never NEVER thought someone could be so vain, egotistic, and down right uncaring as you are!" the man sounded almost pleading as he said "Now that's not fair I have my weaknesses, that's true...fine, look if it will make you happy I'll stop all wars and all that stuff" "There's got to be a catch, there always is, besides you wouldn't really do that for me" said the woman, the man responded "Like I said I have my weaknesses, and your one of them" with an exasperated sigh the woman stomped away, seeing the reporter she picked her up by the shirt and said "who are you? **ARES someone has been spying on us**" a man walked into the room and said "now Xena what's the matter, afraid that someone will find out that you don't hate me as much as you say?" the woman growled took a steadying breath then said "Oh just be quite! You know I'm not afraid of anything like that, besides you were lying. Now who are you, and what are you doing here?" the woman sat the reporter down so she could answer. The reporter said "Well let's see, you're Xena and he's Ares, right? Very nice to meat you two, I'm Nattily, I'm a reporter and have been asked to get a separate interview from each of you including a bard named Gabrielle?" Xena sighed, then said "I really don't need this! Ares, no lying, if it's possible for you not to. Look Nattily I am having a really bad day, and when I have a bad day I get touchy bring Ares into the day and I get grouchy, so I'm warning you don't make me mad, even Mr. God of War here doesn't mess with me when I'm mad!" Nattily said "good, so I get my interviews?" Ares looked almost mad, but only said "I promise my Princess that I will not lie no matter what, now go get that annoying little bard for the interview, I'll go first. Reporter I highly suggest that you do not make my Xena mad, I picked her as my chosen for a reason" Xena's color roes to a higher shade, as she said through clenched teeth "I am **NOT** your princess I am not yours, and I am certainly not your chosen!" with that she left to find Gabrielle, who was outside where Xena had left her. Nattily took Ares to a private room so she could conduct her interview, here's what happened:  
**R "Are you Ares The God of War?"   
  
Ares "Yes"   
  
R "Thank you for letting me do this interview"   
  
Ares "sure"   
  
R "I see you know the Warrior Princess, what relationship do you two have?"   
  
Ares obliterated a nearby table with a thought "Yes I know Xena....So you want to know about are relationship, past or present?"   
  
R "Well, I think you should first tell us how you two met, then your past relationship, THEN your current one"   
  
Ares "humm...I first saw Xena when she was 15, I watched her defend her hometown from Cortese. She looked so alive with a sword even as a beginner and was a natural leader, you know even then she could tell when I was watching her she asked 'who's there' more then once. At the end of the battle she went home, Cyrene was really mad, you see Xena's younger brother died in that battle, Cyrene and Xena had a big fight, and when Xena retreated to her room I appeared:  
**Xena: "who are you, and what are you doing in my room?" Ares: "I am Ares God of War, perhaps you've heard of me? I'm here because I want to talk to you Xena, you showed so much promise when you were fighting Cortese, you're a natural leader" Xena: "Ares.....yeah I've heard of you, How did you know my name, and what do you want?" Ares: "I'm the God of War, don't you think I can know your name if I want to? I'm here because I want you to reach all of your potential, I'll be your mentor teach you how to fight and defend your hometown" Xena: "I don't know, I can't just leave my mother, I mean now that Lycues is....dead" Ares: "Your mother doesn't understand you why you fight, she never will. I do, after all I am the God of War" Xena smiled: "you're right, fine teach me how to fight" Ares: "I'm glad you see it my way, do you want me to have a word with your mother?" Xena: "sure."**  
I went to see her mother Cyrene, she didn't like me one bit, but then again few people do, but I'm getting off track Xena fallowed me for over 10 years we were unstoppable. After that my idiot half brother Hercules turned Xena good, since then we've teased each other and fought...."   
  
R "I can't believe that you took advantage of a girl who was grieving! No wonder Cyrene didn't like you, stealing her daughter!!"   
  
Ares through a fireball at the reporter, and nearly hit her! "I did not, all I did was nudge her in the right direction. As I was saying since Hercules turned Xena good We've fought, and teased each other, but Xena still refuses to face the truth"   
  
R "And what truth would that be?"   
  
Ares "That Xena needs me, she even needs what I represent, and that despite her protests Xena still loves a good fight, a good kill"   
  
R "That sounds very.....interesting. What about Gabrielle, how do you know her?"   
  
Ares "I watch Xena, so of course I know the irritating little bard"   
  
R "Thank you for the interview"**   
  
"Ares, are you done? I said that I'll go next" Xena said, Ares stepped out of the room and started pacing, Xena immediately noticed that something was wrong and walked over to Ares. Xena said "What's wrong Ares? did the little mortal touch a nerve?" Ares growled in response, Xena tried again "don't tell me, she talked about Hercules right? Ares said "No" Xena looked agitated as she said "Come on Ares, you can tell me what happened" Ares looked up and smiled as he said "Is that jealousy I detect my princess?" Xena said "you have got to be kidding, me jealous over you? not in a million.." she was cut off by Nattily, who said "I see you two have some issues, but can they wait? I want my interviews" Gabrielle said "yeah Ares, you should watch...." Xena interrupted "Gabrielle That's enough. Ares don't even think of saying anything I want you to go to Olympus until my interview is done, I don't trust what you two could do to each other" Ares said "are you worried about me Xena?" Xena shot him a menacing look but left.  
**R "Are you the Warrior Princess, formerly known as the Destroyer of nations?"   
  
Xena "well....Yes but I prefer Xena"   
  
R "alright Xena, thank you for letting me do this interview"   
  
Xena "sure"   
  
R "I hear that you know the God of War, is that true?"   
  
Xena "Ares? I can't believe that you would.....oh Zeus!"   
  
R "I didn't mention the King of the Gods, why do you know him too?"   
  
Xena "no I don't. That's not what I meant, It's well I don't usually say Ares's name"   
  
R "why?"   
  
Xena "he has an annoying tendency to either read my thoughts, or appear when I say his name....Oh he's doing it again, I'll be right back!"**  
"why you..you....aaarrrrrrr...if you do that one more time Ares you won't know what hit you!"Xena said, Ares just smiled that devilish smile then said "Now Xena, it's your own fault....I had no Idea what you were thinking! lately I've just appeared when you call me, but I couldn't visit you in a private interview, now could I?" Xena looked about ready to hit him, and hit him she did he caught both fists neatly and held her against a wall, Xena knew she couldn't escape but she still tried. Nattily came out to see what was taking Xena soooooooo long Xena was still up against the wall trying to free her wrists from the amused god of war's grasp, Xena gave up and said "Ares please let me go" Ares had a look on his face that said 'I won' but he only said "Oh course my Warrior princessness" Xena fumed but wasn't going to try to hit him again instead she said "DON'T call me that" and left with Nattily again.  
**R "off the report, I just have to ask if he let you go the minute you asked, why didn't you ask sooner?"   
  
Xena "because I don't need anyone's help, besides I hate the look Ares gets when he gloats"   
  
R "you said his name"   
  
Xena "I know, but even though I didn't win I made my point"   
  
R "So you know the God of War, how did you first meet, What is your current relationship, and how do you feel about him?"   
  
Xena "Well, let me think, Ares and I first met after my brother Lycues was killed in a battle with Cortese, I had just had a fight with my mother and was steaming in my room. Current relationship, Love, Hate. Off the record I guess I miss Ares, we're almost the same, and I guess that doesn't say anything nice about me but it's true, even now we can still tell what each other is thinking"   
  
R "Love, Hate?"   
  
Xena "It means we pretend to Love to Hate each other"   
  
R "But it's only pretend?"   
  
Xena "Yes, I suppose"   
  
R "Alright, have you ever been to Olympus, if you have then who brought you there, when, and why?"   
  
Xena "Yes, I've been to Olympus a couple of times actually, Ares brought me there first because I was hurt I think....yes I was hurt, the last time I was on Olympus was right before I left Ares to be good"   
  
R "Do you know any other gods?   
  
Xena "Aphrodite and Ares are real close, so I met her a couple of times on Olympus, I've met Hades, he still owes me a favor, Oh and I've met Cupid too, he is absolutely terrified of Ares, Cupid wouldn't stand up to him if his life depended on it!"   
  
R "So what about Gabrielle, how do you know her, and how long have you known her?"   
  
Xena "Gabrielle is my best friend. After I left Ares and became good I decided to head home, on my way home I ran into Gabrielle's village and saved it, she fallowed me after I left and finally I let her travel with me. I've known Gabrielle for 3 years"   
  
R "I heard from Hercules that he was the one that turned you good, how long had you known him at that time?"   
  
Xena "Humm...let me think......I know a year I'd known about him for a year, Ares had told me that Hercules was the only one stopping me from ruling all the world"   
  
R "Alright, and how long had you known Ares?"   
  
Xena "15 I met Ares when I was 15"   
  
R "Thank you for the interview"**   
  
Xena said "I'm done" as soon as she said that Ares appeared and started pacing, Xena could tell that he was going to kill the next person that went near him, Nattily said "before I interview you Gabrielle, I would like to observe you all in one room for a bit, so just forget that I am here" Xena said "alright Nattily if that's what you want. Ares what happened?" Ares whirled around and took a couple of intimidating steps forward, when Xena didn't move and made it clear that she wanted an answer Ares walked forward until he was standing literally 1 inch from Xena. As much as Xena wanted to make her point, she didn't like being this close to Ares, and even if she did Gabrielle was a touch suspicious about Ares and wouldn't stand for it. Xena moved back a few feet but her expression didn't change, Ares's did change ever so slightly which Xena didn't see, if Xena wanted to play then he'd play, Ares moved forward, only this time he stopped 1/2 inch from Xena. Gabrielle wasn't sure what to do, but Xena could usually handle herself, and she was backing away, Xena backed a few feet away, and again Ares came after her. Xena backed away from Ares for the fifth time, Ares moved forward, he was about 1 inch from her face, she tried to back away but was up against a wall, Ares put his hands on either side of the wall and said "were you planning on going somewhere?" Gabrielle and Nattily couldn't see Xena's face so they assumed that she was scared and started walking over to the wall. Xena smiled at Ares and said "ooh I'm really scared" Ares gave a brief smirk, so Xena said "common Ares what happened that was so horrible that you can't tell me?" she frowned, Ares said "you really want to know don't you? Alright first you have to escape" Ares razed his sword and prepared to strike at Xena, she thought fast, grabbed her Chakram and pushing it into his stomach forced him back, when she had enough room to escape she pulled it out and said "I didn't hurt you did I?" Ares smiled and said "Not at all my dear" Xena said "Good, because this is going to hurt even more!" They pulled out their swords and started fighting. Xena rammed her sword into Ares's chest and said "Maybe I should leave it there" Ares said "very funny, catch" Xena caught her sword, and turned to Gabrielle, she said "Gabrielle I really don't want to hear a word about this, okay?" Gabrielle said "but your cut!" Ares turned around and said "You're cut, where are you cut?" Xena said "I'm fine" Ares said "Let me see" Xena said "your not going to leave me alone till I show you? fine I just cut my hand when I was backing you up" Ares gently inspected Xena's hand, Xena mumbled "thank's" Ares smiled and said "Any time" Gabrielle asked "why do you do that for her, and not for me?" Ares looked genuinely stunned, he recovered and said "why do you think? Maybe because I like Xena and don't like you?" Xena took one look at the Angry Gabrielle, tried not to laugh, said "I'll handle this Gabrielle" then walked over to Ares and gave him a quick kiss, Ares wasn't exactly sure what had just happened, Gabrielle was steaming as she said "XENA! Are you Crazy? Why on earth did you do that?" Xena ignored the obvious fit the bard was having and said "Ares gave me a compliment, and my hand is healed" Gabrielle stood there in shock for a minute then came running at Ares with her staff, before Gabrielle got in range to hit Ares though her staff was yanked out of her hands and was on the other side of the room. Ares had an amused look on his face as the bard looked for who had taken her staff, Xena shrugged then said "you know Ares has a bad temper, I was just trying to stop you from getting hurt" Gabrielle said "don't you think I can take care of myself?" Xena said "I think that you let Ares get on your nerves to much, but I don't want to have this discussion" Gabrielle was not going to just let Xena drop this and said "oh and I suppose that he doesn't......" Xena said "Gabrielle" her voice was threatening, Gabrielle continued "doesn't get on your nerves?" suddenly Gabrielle's feet were knocked out from under her, Xena looked down at the bard, sword drawn, Gabrielle was quick to apologize, Xena's temper was not something to mess with. Nattily decided that she had seen enough for now and said "Gabrielle let's do our interview now, okay?" Gabrielle nodded and they left.  
**R "Are you Gabrielle Bard of Poteidaia?"   
  
Gabrielle "Yes"   
  
R "Thank you for letting me do this interview"   
  
Gabrielle "yes, of course I would never have dreamed of turning you down!"   
  
R "do you know Xena?"   
  
Gabrielle "yes"   
  
R "how did you meet?"   
  
Gabrielle "Xena was on her way home and stopped and saved my village. I was bored and fallowed her, at first Xena wouldn't let me travel with her, but I convinced her"   
  
R "how long have you known Xena?"   
  
Gabrielle "3 years, we're best friends"   
  
R "so you travel around with Xena?"   
  
Gabrielle "yes"   
  
R "what has Xena told you about her past?"   
  
Gabrielle "almost nothing, I only know bits and pieces. When Xena has to she'll tell me about her past, but I really don't know much"   
  
R "Do you know the Ares God of War?"   
  
Gabrielle "yes"   
  
R "how long have you known him?"   
  
Gabrielle "I don't really know Ares, but I've met him a couple of times"   
  
R "What about Hercules, do you know him?"   
  
Gabrielle "Herc? Yes, he is the nicest person. Sometimes I wish Xena and I could travel with them, but whenever I ask she always has some reason not to"   
  
R "do you know Iolaus?"   
  
Gabrielle "Yes! Iolaus always helps me when I get writers block"   
  
R "Thank you for the Interview"**   
  
Xena was sharpening her sword seemingly unaware of Ares who was watching her as he sipped something in a goblet, when Gabrielle and Nattily came into the room both Xena and Ares chose to ignore them. Gabrielle asked "What are you doing Xena?" Xena said "what does it look like?" Gabrielle said "well, are we going?" Xena didn't even bother to look up as she said "no" Gabrielle frowned and asked "what then?" Xena didn't answer Gabrielle said "is anything wrong? 'Cause if there is you can tell me" Xena still sharpening her sword said "no" Gabrielle whined "Xeeeennnnaaaaa" Xena only asked "what?" Gabrielle gave an annoyed look and said "Xena!" Xena asked "what?" Gabrielle sighed all this was going to accomplish was to get Xena mad, Ares said "Xena" Xena said "yes?" Ares asked "you're going to stay?" Xena said "Here, I'm going to stay here, for now" Ares said "alright, if that's what you think" Xena decided to ignore Ares's last comment. Nattily stated "now I'm going to do interviews with two of you at a time. Gabrielle, Ares you two first" Gabrielle gasped, Ares smiled, Xena only said "good luck" Gabrielle still couldn't see Xena's face and her voice was indistinct, no emotion let Gabrielle know who Xena had said that two.  
**Nattily "here is what we are going to do. I will start a conversation, occasionally I will ask a few questions other then that I want this to be general talking, okay?"   
  
Ares "that should be no problem for the blond, she never stops talking"   
  
Gabrielle "I have a name you know, and as a matter of fact I do like to talk and see no problem with that"   
  
Nattily "so you both agree, good. Gabrielle you're a bard, what are your stories about?"   
  
Ares "they're all about Xena, now that she's good, and I must say although I have never listened to them they must be pretty interesting if the star can't even sit through the first line before finding someway to leave!"   
  
Gabrielle "Xena just doesn't like to be the center of attention, just ask her"   
  
Ares "I already know why Xena leaves and do not need to ask her"   
  
Nattily "Gabrielle do you tell stories about anybody else?"   
  
Gabrielle "I tell of heroes, so of course I tell stories of Hercules"   
  
Ares scowled, but said nothing   
  
Nattily "yes?".............................................................   
  
Ares sighed he had known that the blond could talk but he had not been prepared for that! "Are we done?"   
  
Nattily "yes"**   
  
Xena looked up and asked "so howd'd it go?" Gabrielle said "what do you think?" Ares waited till Gabrielle had walked away then said "Xena, you said the blond talked, but does she ever stop?" Xena sure that Gabrielle was out of hearing range said "I'm really not sure when she's asleep she doesn't talk, but even in fights she talks!" Nattily stated "Ares you seemed in a hurry to get out of talking, I don't like that, so you and Xena get to go now" Gabrielle smiled an extra sweet smile that almost made everybody else gag, and the next interview started.   
  
**Nattily "talk about anything, so long as we have a conversation"   
  
Xena, who like Ares was not overly thrilled about the whole thing asked "anything? Ooh, can I pick?"   
  
Nattily "alright"   
  
Xena "Ares, did you see me fight Alti?"   
  
Ares "Alti? I watched all of them, and might I say you really killed her"   
  
Xena "thank you, I thought so too"   
  
Nattily "something else please?"   
  
Ares "you said 'anything' or did you mean it?"   
  
Nattily "fine, I can't stop you from talking, but if you don't stop I will say that the two of you were unhelpful"   
  
Xena "good, we have reputations to keep you know, and being impossible to get information from is one of them"   
  
Nattily "If both of you don't stop that right now I'll tell Gabrielle that I couldn't talk because you were chatting like old friends!"   
  
Ares "is that a problem?"   
  
Xena "YES it is, I will not have my free time lost all because of a stupid interview, Gabrielle would watch me like a hawk if Nattily did that"   
  
Ares "I still don't see why you even bother with her, if you left there's noway that the blond has the skills to follow you"   
  
Xena "you give me to much credit, besides_ Gabrielle _is known for her stories and could tell everybody anything in a matter of days"   
  
Nattily "is that why you really keep traveling with her?"   
  
Xena "you tell her this you die, but do you really think that I'd travel around with Gabrielle if I didn't half to? Even Hercules is better then Gabrielle"   
  
Ares "I disagree, nobody is worse then Hercules"   
  
Xena "tell me that after you've listened to her for a couple of months, none stop!"   
  
Nattily "Let's stay off of them, okay?"   
  
Ares "stay out of this reporter"   
  
Nattily "I will NOT!"   
  
Ares threw a fireball at Nattily, which would have hit her if Xena hadn't pushed her out of the way. "Now why did you have to that?"   
  
Xena "because if I hadn't then we would have had to put up with each other for no reason!"   
  
Ares "that's it, I'm leaving, call me when you're done"**   
  
Xena walked out with Ares and Nattily, as soon as Ares saw that Gabrielle was there he left, Xena said "Gabrielle let's get this over with" Nattily took Gabrielle by the arm, and took Xena by the other arm, for her trouble Nattily got a nasty look that clearly stated that Xena was not the type of person that you suddenly grabbed by the arm.   
  
**Nattily "you know what to do"   
  
Gabrielle "do you want me to tell stories again!!"   
  
Xena "Gabrielle"   
  
Gabrielle "sorry Xena, I forgot"   
  
Nattily "you said something, Xena, in the interview with Ares that I think might interest Gabrielle"   
  
Xena scowled at Nattily "I really don't think so"   
  
Gabrielle "Xena, tell me!"   
  
Xena "there's nothing to tell"   
  
Nattily "I think there is"   
  
Xena "Nattily, dear, will you do something for me?"   
  
Nattily "yes?"   
  
Xena "Shut up before I make you"   
  
Gabrielle "Xena that's not nice"   
  
Xena "who cares"   
  
Gabrielle "I do"   
  
Xena "is this over yet?"   
  
Nattily "no, Gabrielle didn't you talk about Xena's son?"   
  
Xena "you didn't!"   
  
Nattily "actually she did, isn't that right Gabrielle"   
  
Gabrielle "um...yeah, i didn't know it was a problem Xena"   
  
Xena "this is over"**   
  
Xena walked out of the room, Gabrielle and Nattily followed, Gabrielle said "Xena, I'm sorry,can we please forget this and go?" Xena said "sure Gabrielle that's fine. ARES" Ares appeared in a flash of light and asked "you called?" Xena stated "We are going Ares" Gabrielle looked shocked as she asked "Xena are you out of your MIND!! what are you doing?" Xena again stated "I'm going to Olympus, to stay for awhile" Gabrielle asked "What about me?" Xena said "I am still mad at you and could care less, but seeing as you asked, go with Nattily, I'm sure she will not mind. Bye" with that Ares and Xena left. Gabrielle stomped a bit before turning to Nattily and saying "I can't believe that Xena would do that just because I told a bunch of stories about her past, can you?" Nattily very calmly said "I'm sure Xena will be back, give her some time to cool off Gabrielle. While you are waiting stay with me, okay?" Gabrielle sighed then said "okay, let's get out of here" Nattily packed up her things and her and Gabrielle left.   
  
**The End**   
  
  
  
**Epilogue**   
  
  
  
Xena cooled off in about a month, then she came to Nattily's and reconciled with Gabrielle, after that they left Nattily's and started roaming Greece and helping people again, until.......... 


	2. Interview 2

Disclaimer: This story is purely for fun, and to keep the people from the Xena and Ares shippers club from going crazy, I get no profit from this story. The characters Melissa, Nattily ect. as well as the story idea belong to me. The characters Xena, Gabrielle, Ares ect. do not belong to me, and I am just borrowing them. No copywrite infringement intended. Please do not use this story on your web site, web page ect. without first asking me and receiving my permission, you may however use this story for private use, but must use it with all disclaimers. If you would like to send this story to a friend, please ask me first, and receive my permission, and you must not get any profit from the transaction.   
  
Authors note: wow, that was a pretty long disclaimer wasn't it?? I hope I got everything in though, I don't want anybody to take this story the wrong way! If the idea of Xena and Ares in love, of them having any part relationship, or if Gabrielle and Xena being 'just friends' is not the type of story you want to read, please go someplace else. This story is for everyone at the shippers club for their support and for liking my stories, especially Kat, even when I didn't! This story takes place 20 years after the first interview I did.   
  
Rating: PG   
  
Now for the story!!!!! *everyone claps*   
  
Interview 2 By Delenn

  
  
  
  
Melissa walked into the temple, she had no idea what to expect, she said "Hello?" "Hello? I'm here for an Interview with the God of War" A silver light started to fill the throne then a Bronze light came too, with in seconds the God of war was sitting on the throne, sitting on top of him was the Goddess of Victory, the Goddess whined "Oh come on Ares, pleeeeeeeaaaaaase let me have this chair" Ares said "No, make your own chair" the Goddess continued "Ppplllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaassssseee" Ares said "It's not a comfortable chair for you" the Goddess said "I'm not getting off, so you might as well leave" Ares shook his head the Goddess leaned down and kissed Ares, somewhere in the middle of the kiss Ares was on the floor and the Goddess was sitting happily on the throne, Ares said "That is not fair" the Goddess laughed and said "I'm a bad loser" Ares said "Fine I'll make another throne, this time" out of thin air a throne that looked exactly like the one the battle had been in appeared, Ares sat down in it when he had crossed his legs at the ankles and was sitting lazily he looked over to see that the Goddess of Victory had slid down in the chair so that only the top part of her back was against the back of the chair, her legs were spread out bracing the sides of the throne so she didn't fall out in one hand she was absently tossing a dagger, The Goddess was looking at Melissa after awhile she said "Who are you, and who sent you here? You can't be more then 14 why would you want to come to the God of War and the Goddess of D....Victory's temple?" Melissa said "I'm Melissa, I was sent to do an interview by my mom Nattily, I'm sorry if I interrupted anything" Ares said "you're scaring the girl my dear, don't forget you were only 15 when you came here" Melissa said "Who are you two?" the Goddess looked a bit riled as she said "do you want to lose a fight? Because you don't win against the Goddess of Victory" She jumped off of the throne, to Melissa she looked impossible tall and quite mean she finished speaking "Nattily eh? humm.....I remember her she was a real.......well....oh never mind you say your Melissa that's a pretty name, I'm Xena and he is Ares" The girl thought outloud "Xena......my mother mentioned a Xena in her interview but she never said anything about you being a Goddess, she told me that she was almost hit by a lighting bolt if Xena hadn't saved her" recognition came to Ares's face "Why that.....your mother didn't have the common sense to notice that she was treading on dangerous ground" Xena said "Oh what's wrong has the little girl touched a nerve in the big bad God of War?" Ares said "NO!!!!!!!!! Not the girl, her mother she was asking me all about you!!!" Xena pouted "Am I a sore subject?" Ares said "Xena my dear, that was 20 years ago you weren't a goddess then, oh stop towering over the poor girl you're scaring her to death!" Xena looked hurt and said "I don't like you telling me what to do! I'm sorry kid didn't mean to scare ya. Ares it's been 5 years since we've fought, right, will I think you've forgot that I can hold my own!" Ares said "That's because every time we did fight you would become the Goddess of Victory!" Xena said "fine then I'll be the Goddess of D.........I'll be the other thing I'm a Goddess of! come off that Throne and fight, you remind me of Zeus!" Ares roared off the throne and came charging towards Xena, who ducked out of the way just in time, Melissa said "EXCUSE ME, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW SOME THINGS, FIRST WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP, SECOND......WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP FIGHTING SO I DON'T HAVE TO SCREAM.......that's better, second What else are you the goddess of Xena?" Xena said "Well I'm the Goddess of Desire and Victory" Melissa looked amazed, she said "Wow the Goddess of Desire, what a cool thing to be a Goddess of!" Xena smiled, and Ares said "Yes, and she's my Goddess!" Xena blushed from her head to her toes and said "You wish Ares" Melissa laughed, so Ares said "and what do you think is so funny little girl?" Ares sank back into the first throne and the conversation immediately ended as Xena jumped back onto Ares's lap and told him, "This is my chair now!!!" Ares said "Sorry baby, but it was originally mine" Xena retorted "Finders keepers, losers weepers" Ares said "Yes, and I found you, so I think you just lost that" Xena said "not true, you lost me" Ares said "yes and you lost the chair, so what's more important my dear, the chair or you?" Xena smiled and said "I know you, me, I trust you with me, besides you know I'll fight, now hand over the chair" Ares said "As you wish my dear" and disappeared into a flash of sliver light, the silver light reappeared in the other chair. Xena sat down then waved her hand and another throne appeared next to the one Xena was sitting on, Xena said "Sit down Melissa, what else do you want to know? Ares, don't blame the girl for her mother" Ares smiled devilishly and said "Yes Xena, whatever you say" Xena said "Ares, you are really asking for it!" Ares replied "Yes, I suppose I am, now Melissa you wanted to have an interview go ahead" Melissa said "if I do, I don't want to hear one argument between you two that I can't possibly understand, as it is I have already had to memorize what has happened since I first saw each of you" Xena turned white, sank back into her chair and dropped the dagger, Ares turned red, jumped up and roared "WHAT!!!!!??!!!!!" Xena recovered quicker and said "ARES, out of the way!!" with that Xena's Chakram appeared in her hand and she let it flying, Ares ducked and Melissa hid, Xena said "This is a private party, I'm not in the mood to deal with your temper Ares so you are going to Calm down, Melissa you are going to tear up the part until your first Question, and I will catch my Chakram" Ares and Melissa nodded and in one fluid motion Xena caught her Chakram, she said "So Melissa let's finish the interview" then after a moment of thought waved her hand, Xena's Chakram disappeared and was replaced by a glass of ambrosia, Ares got up dusted himself off and sat back down in his throne motioning for Melissa to do the same. Melissa said "Now, I'm not afraid of gods, so I want you to tell me all that stuff that you two talked about that I didn't get" Ares razed an eyebrow, and Xena said "That's a dangerous attitude little girl. I was never afraid of Ares, through my life because of that little personality trait he has bugged me, tried to kill my friends more times then I can count and never left me alone!" Ares said "Xena you don't think I spent all that time chasing after you just because you were never afraid of me do you? You're the only person that I know to have a blood lust that matches mine, you have an insanely strong will, are a great fighter, need I go on?" Xena rolled her eyes and said "Can you believe him?" Melissa laughed and said "I never knew that gods are so entertaining! Xena, it's your own fault, you should never get involved with gods, mother says that she always regretted that choice" Ares smiled devilishly, and Xena said "don't I know that kid, now tell me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that make you a demigoddess?" Ares sighed and said "tell me not Zeus" Melissa said "hey!! This is about you Xena not my mother" Xena razed an eyebrow and said "alright, I'll make you a deal, Ares leave us alone for a little bit I'll call you when we are done." When Ares had left Xena continued "Now Melissa tell me who your father is, and I'll let you in on a couple of secrets" Melissa smiled, her mother was right gods always were interested in half gods, she said "My father is, well, Apollo" Xena smiled and said "I will have to let Ares tell Athena that! well we made a deal so, I have had a very interesting time as gods go, after Ares wouldn't leave me alone I decided against having anything to do with gods unless I had to. You know about your mothers interview, right? Well after that Gabrielle was killed and all the favors I pulled didn't work, so I was forced to go back to a promise I had made. When I was still a warlord, I plugged myself to Ares, after I left him we made a deal, I could pick one person and live out my life with them then Ares would make me immortal and I'd have to be stuck dealing with him for all eternity! Nice, well after that I let my opposite side show, and now I'm here!" Melissa asked "What else, you said a couple of secrets" Xena smiled her half smile and said "you know, even though I have always had the attitude that nobody needs gods, you think that and are curious about them, that is an even more dangerous attitude! So Apollo is your dad? you poor thing, do you know that makes you related to some of the most dangerous gods of them all? here I'll list them for you, Athena, Ares, Zeus, Artemis, and me" Melissa said "I'll remember that, but you are avoiding the question" Xena's smile disappeared and she said "You remember Hercules? Have you heard that a bunch of gods forced Zeus to let them kill Hercules? Well it's true, me, Ares, Athena, Aphrodite, Hades, and Artemis made up that group, you should know some of the things Hercules has done to all of us!" Melissa said "That's still not nice. Okay next" Xena said "fine, you tell anyone this and you won't live long enough to regret it, Ares and I have a kid, the goddess of Mercy, she was born a little bit after the interview your mother did, actually the shock was what killed Gabrielle, she just couldn't believe it and as she was walking away backwards she fell off a cliff!" Melissa said "you don't have any happy things to tell me about, do you?" Xena thought for a second then said "once when Gabrielle was still alive, I got up in the middle of the night and snuck off to one of Ares's temples, he was having a birthday party and wanted me to come, that was so fun, by the end of the party everybody was half crashed and half drunk, and we did all kinds of funny things like...oh Zeus fell asleep, so me and Aphrodite whispered into his ear that he was a dog and convinced him, it was so funny seeing Zeus down on all fours barking and begging for scraps! Do you know what it takes to get a god drunk? Ares for example had 5 bowls of punch and wasn't even fazed, Zeus had 12 bowls and wasn't fazed, so then he had another 12 and that did him in!" Melissa smiled and said "that must have been a blast, did you ever get found out? How many parties did you go to?" Xena said "I went to them all the time, Gabrielle found out about only one time, you see she had got up in the middle of the night and when she didn't see me she automatically assumed that something had happened and she loved to blame Ares so that's what she did. She got Joxer and the two of them walked to the nearest temple, the party was almost over so I was really drunk at the time and was able to say that I was drugged, unfortunately Hercules was there and wasn't drunk so he got a full tounglashing from Gabrielle and she was so worked up that Gabrielle forgot about me and I got to finish the party" Melissa asked "If you were always drunk at the parties how did you get home?" Xena said "Oh whoever had thrown the party took everybody else home and made sure they looked like the had been asleep all night and things like that" Melissa asked "Is that all you have to tell me?" Xena said "No, but it's all I'm going to tell you, Ares you can come back now" Ares appeared and said "Xena you just missed the grandest celebration ever" Xena asked "And what happened that warranted such a party?" Ares leaned over and whispered in Xena's ear, when he finished talking Xena's face lit up and she said "ooh that is to precious! By the way, I think that Melissa here still wants to know about everything we've talked about" Melissa nodded her head in agreement, so Ares said "oh you mean like the time we chased down your mother?" Melissa said "You never mentioned that!" Xena said "We did now" Melissa frowned and said "I give up, can we please just get this interview over with?" Xena smiled and said "you don't like me? I mean not liking Ares is understandable, but me?" Ares smirked and said "I am going to take that as a compliment" Xena said under her breath "you would" Melissa said "okay lets forget about telling me all that stuff, I'll just ask the questions and you answer" Xena razed an eyebrow then said "fine we can deal with that. Ask away" "Okay" said Melissa "here goes. What is your relationship, nether of you answered that" Ares smiled, Xena took one look at him and said "don't even think about saying anything, I'll handle this. Melissa you are talking about 30 years of changes in that story from each of us" Melissa "how long would that take? I was told that that was the one story I was to get no matter what" Xena thought a second then said "I think 9...." Melissa interrupted "9 hours?" Xena shook her head and said "9...." Melissa asked "9 days?" Xena shook her head, this time Ares tried, he said "9 months" Melissa looked stunned and said "9 months......." Xena added "from each of us, so really 18 months" Melissa stated "This is impossible!" Xena leaned back in her throne and said "you could say that, give up?" Melissa sighed then said "yes" Ares smiled "bye, bye" Melissa was about to protest when Xena motioned for one of the temple remodelers and said "show the reporter the door, NOW!" the man grabbed Melissa's arm and scurried out of the room, the interview was over.   
  
**The End   
  
Epilogue:**   
  
A few months later Melissa came back to talk to Xena, the question she asked was "were you the only mortal at the parties?" to which Xena responded "no way, everybody's chosen was invited, that's why Hercules was there, everyone that is except Gabrielle, she was Artemis' chosen, but everyone knew she'd just ruin the party so we never invited her, and Joxer never came, he is Apollo' chosen, every time Hermes would come and ask for Apollo' chosen Joxer would look around then say he had no idea who Hermes was talking about! It was really funny watching Hermes, he used to get so upset about never being able to get Joxer to come. Of course Hercules wouldn't have come either, except he was not going to leave me by myself with all the gods, then he'd put on this big guy air and guard me until Ares would steal me right under Herc's nose, of course the only reason I let Ares take me anywhere was that Herc wouldn't let me have any fun. Let's see who else was there? Hera never did tell anyone which person was her chosen, and I think she was only there to watch Zeus. Oh yeah, Dite and Cupid always showed up, but there chosen's were never worth talking to, Cupid' were shy little things that fallowed him around every where, and would look at me like I was the devil. Dite' chosen was one of those big guys wit two much mussel and not enough brain. Oh Hades was always there, his chosen was a paretically depressing guy that amazingly enough had a worse disposition then Hades! Actually most all the gods were there, course I don't remember much, Ares always made a point of getting me away from Herc and into the party as soon as he could, sometimes he even got Dite to help him, we had fun me and Dite, only because she liked to play tricks on people though, we had an agreement, I helped Dite with her tricks, and she didn't play tricks on anyone unless I said so" 


End file.
